This movie was bad and it hurt me.
*Sigh*
You have no idea how much it hurts to have to say that. I've never really mentioned it here on CSn, but I am a HUGE Spider-Man fan. Like, seriously, I have loved him since I was a kid. I read the comics, watched the cartoons, went to all of the movies in theatres, not played the games because quite frankly I have yet to play a super hero video game that didn't make me sad, everything. I love Spider-Man.
But there's very little I can say to redeem this movie. Here's what I can say: the action scenes are pretty cool, it's more accurate to the comics than the first 3, and I liked that they brought back Spider-Man's signature banter and goofing around. That's more accurate to the character: half the time he spent crime fighting he spent just kind of messing with his opponants.
But even those have their flaws. The actions scenes were really hectic and fast paced, even though it was more accurate than the old movies it still wasn't all that accurate, and although the banter was funny at times, other times it was just really stupid and spilled into moments that should have been serious and just kind of ruined them. The moment that was supposed to be the city finally standing with him was nothing like the phenominal train scene in Spider-Man 2, in fact it was just kind of stupid.
They also demolished the character of Peter Parker. He goes from the nerdy and awkward but lovable genious, to the clearly smart but angsty, twitchy skateboarding teenager with abandonment issues. He doesn't start fighting crime because of his deep-seaded sense of what is right and what is wrong and because he wanted to uphold the lessons Uncle Ben taught him, he does it because he's pissed that Uncle Ben was killed, than because he feels guilty that he's part of the reason Dr. Connors turned into The Lizard. There was a moment in the middle of the movie where it looked like they were about to get it right, but then they just lose it.
Lets get back to the accuracy issue. Yes, Gwen Stacy was in it, she was the original love interest, Mary-Jane came much later. Fine. Yes, The Lizard is the villain, he was Spidey's first actual villain. That's great, The Lizard is actually my favorite Spider-Man Villain. Cool, he's in High School. Yeah, pretty sure the first one got that right.
Aaaand that's where it end. Hope you don't like Harry Osborne, because he's not in it. I hope you don't like Dr. Conner's backstory of having joined the Army as a surgeon, where he lost his arm, because they don't even bother giving him a real story, or even any particular characterization. I hope you didn't like that his parents were S.H.I.E.L.D. agents killed in the line of duty, instead now his father was a worker for Oscorp, yet another (/ghasp!) evil corporation only around for the CEO's goals, killed off when he goes against it (how generic can you get?!). I really hope you didn't like the story arch where he goes to a wrestling match as "The Human Spider", where the announcer calls him Spider-Man, and he lets a robber go free because the guy that was supposed to give him prize money ripped him off only to find out later that the guy robbed and killed Uncle Ben. Yes, the original movie got that right. Instead they have Uncle Ben die in a pretty lame way and then (SPOILER!) half the movie is Peter trying to find the guy that did it only to have that whole plot point be completely forgotten.
But the worst tragedy is what they did to The Lizard. Not only was Dr. Conners turned into a totally generic and entirely stupid character, they did The Lizard all wrong. The Lizard was orriginally essentially a reptilian Hulk: he gets pissed, turns into a giant animal and goes on a rampage. I wish that's what they did, but instead they gave him a big desire to dominate the world. And yes, I know that was a story line in the comics, but it was a stupid story line that nobody liked. And this may seem petty, but you know what bothered me the most the whole time? The Lizard didn't wear his fucking labcoat! In any of these is he not wearing a lab coat? No! Becaue that's what The Lizard wore! There are times when he has it on in the movie, and I was about to sigh in relief, but then he wears it for about 20 seconds before taking it off! They couldn't get that ONE FUCKING THING right?! (/nerdrage!)
You know what the best summary for this movie I could think of is? It feels like a live-action re-imagining of the 90's Spider Man cartoon done on ABC Family. Have you ever watched that cartoon when you were older and realized just how stupidly fast paced it was? Yeah, it was perfect for the 90s, and for a 30 minute kids cartoon, but for an hour and change movie in 2012?
In conclusion: It's not Green Lantern bad. God no, you have to actually try to be that level of god-aweful. And yes, this is coming from a fan, and we're notoriously hard to please. I never expected it to be better than any of the original three (And yes, I am saying that it's worse that Spider Man 3), but I did expect it to be at least as good as the first one, and it just wasn't. It didn't make me angry that I spent money to see it like Green Lantern. In fact, it mostly just made me sad. Really, really sad.
