Written: June 4, 2012
Availability: With or without board membership on Critsandvich.com, here
This review holds a special place in my heart, being as it was the first review to be posted in the "Community Reviews and Commentary" board. While not the greatest review of all time, it certainly deserves its own review as noted by such prodigal community members as Failhorse.
First off Duck selected, eventually, a very solid introductory graphic, right out of the game’s promotional material. He stumbled at first with a rather large graphic but both graphics had appropriate content. In the final review’s graphic (as of this writing) we see the title of the game, the titular character, and an array of “bad guys” - giving us a glimpse of the flavor of this game. Following the introductory graphic Duck successfully and correctly (with the exception of minor typos) lists the cost and availability of the game.
Our first sentence of the written review poses a lengthy rhetorical question about fæces and lachrymation that is not entirely understandable without having played the game. Hopefully, though, this has piqued our curiosity and made us read on in the hope of learning more.
Duck's second paragraph holds the meat of his review. He presents us with the setting and conflict of the game in the first two, very straightforward, sentences. Next he presents the controls, mentions tears for the last time in the article and moves on to mention power-ups, boss fights, and golden rooms; all very exciting but thoroughly meaningless to our uninitiated mind. Video game references, we hear, all well and good. Perhaps we have even played Super Mario and Super Meat Boy, but do Binding of Isaac's mushrooms make us grow twice as tall? No, as it turns out, but I'll get to that later.
In the third of paragraph of this review the plot is related to the bible, as we may have guessed if we have any familiarity with the story of Isaac. If not though, we're not out of luck because Duck has drawn the connection for us! Apparently much of the game relates to the bible. I'm not sure how to feel about this. Is it a biblical game? Maybe all the people who are enjoying it are Christians. Is The Binding of Isaac as spiritual successor to Left Behind: Eternal Forces? (It isn't.)
To conclude, Duck tells us, the game is good and we should buy it.
Tragically, if I don't already own the game this review has not really left me with a good idea of what to expect. Legend of Zelda style lay-out with bodily functions somehow playing a roll in fighting bosses and acquiring items that may or may not be throw-backs to video games and/or religious scripture? Perhaps we should approach this a different way.
As other, more lengthy, professional reviews have noted The Binding of Isaac is a twin-stick, rogue-like, top-down, 2D, arcade shooter in which you progress through randomized levels of progressively more challenging enemies punctuated by boss fights. Throughout the game you will find, as in any rogue-like, random loot which may be character-altering, or merely one-use. The great aesthetic twist of the game is that most items change the appearance of Isaac until he is incredibly deformed and hideous. Though picking up loot is purely optional, the difficulty of later levels means that unless you are a master of the twin-stick shooter you are unlikely to succeed.
The skeleton of the game is the rogue-like flavor some of us will know and love, but basically it goes like this.
1. Level design is randomized. The layout, exits, location of the boss, presence of any shops, amount of enemies are all procedurally generated from a progressively more hellish and aggressive pallet. Every few levels you enter a deeper, more difficult section of the game that is accompanied by an aesthetic change in both the enemies and the map.
2. Items are randomized. The one-use items, the money, the major game changing items all show up differently every play-through. You have one slot for an item that will charge up every few rooms that you can change out. Other items will change your character permanently* and will pile up one on top of the other until you are a maniacally powerful, horribly demonic, cross-dressing little boy.
3. *Death is permanent. There isn't really a concept of "saved progress." The game will keep track of the items you unlock and in some cases the enemies you face will impact the availability of items or playable characters in later play-throughs but once you die you are dead for real: Game Over, so sorry, would you like to try again from the beginning, devoid of items once again?
To top it off, none of the items in Binding of Isaac tell you what they do, forcing you to learn things the hard way when using some of the more dangerous items. Of course if you wanted you could always cheat and look everything up on the wiki, but where's the fun in that?
The punishing and random nature of rogue-like gameplay will be a big turn-off for many players who have become accustomed to the die, reload, try again mentality of railroaded story lines and puzzles. Many times you may even think to yourself, "This is impossible!" and yet, perhaps, you will prevail through the lucky and timely acquiring of an upgrade that perfectly compliments the other random items you've found. Other play-throughs will seem laughably easy but each play-though unlocks a little more of the story and of the game.
Oh and the mushrooms? Well, they don't double your size, I'll tell you that much. If you really want to know? Go find out: buy The Binding of Isaac.
New DLC, "Binding of Isaac: Wrath of the Lamb" has recently been released on Steam for a mere $2.99, boasting "75% more content". Tragically I have not yet experienced it so I must leave its evaluation for a later date.
I didn't know this existed. My bad. 
