I tried everything. I restarted the game, reinstalled, I could not figure out the problem. So, I went to the worst game on the list. Renegade. It's a crappy FPS the Westwood put out. It had terrible dialogue, terrible voice acting, a nonexistent story, and just terrible story line. The worst part? IT FUCKING WORKED! Out of all the games to not suck, this was it. I had to find a fix, somewhere. So I looked. There are 3 known patches to this games, two of which are official. These two also do the least work. Of-fucking-course. The 3rd actually does something. It made all but Red Alert II playable. Good, but not good enough. I wanted to see Yuri get eaten by a dino and by god I was gonna see Yuri get eaten by a dino. I found a thread that posted a fix that work.... for some people. Not me of course, so....
Finally, I came across salvation. A length thread on one of the many C&C forums said that although the original fix does work, I had to have installed the game as an admin.
How in all that is holy was I supposed to know that? So, now I had to uninstall, run the Autorun as an admin, run the instally, put in two 20-character codes and 5 22-character codes, wait for the u=install, go back and reinstall the patches, run all .exe files in the RE2 folder as an admin, and load the game.
and....... SUCCESS!!!!
Finally, the game worked. It's still buggy. I'm still pissed, but at least it works. Take this to heart fella, just buy your shit on Steam, it does this bullshit for you.