Guy's guide on how to pick up ladies.

[Guy]

With my extensive knowledge on females... I have decided to impart my super successful techniques on how to pick up a lady.
I will release new advice often. If you have a question about woman stuff, please ask, this is also a Dear Guy thing too.

1st Golden Rule. Instead of looking at you prospective wife in the eyes, look at her breasts instead.
This is because looking directly into a woman eyes is seen as an aggressive act, similar to cats.
Staring at her breasts lets her know you find her attractive and that you also think she will be a good mother to your children.

2nd Golden Rule. Girls love to know how many partners you had before hand. The more the better.
This is because she wants to know what you are doing... while this is isn't always true... they don't know that.
Dream big and brag often that you are quite the ladies man. Girls love it.

3rd Golden Rule. Women have a natural talent for cooking and cleaning.
While they tend to deny this a lot, it is because the are just being modest.
They actually like cooking and cleaning a lot, and tend to hold back on it for feeling guilty about such pleasure.
Let them know often that they should be in the kitchen cooking or cleaning your clothes... it will get em' all hot and bothered.

Moar coming soon.

[Vetos]

Step 1 - Wrap arms around girl's knees
Step 2 - Lift with your legs, not your back
Step 3 - Marriage.

[LegendarySurgeon]

Step 1 - Wrap arms around girl's knees
Step 2 - Lift with your legs, not your back
Step 3 - Marriage.

Step 2 is the most important, some people forget about that.

[Guy]

Step 1 - Wrap arms around girl's knees
Step 2 - Lift with your legs, not your back
Step 3 - Marriage.

No, no, no. Real men do it this way:

Step 1: Wack girl with a large heavy club.
Step 2: Drag said girl by a foot to your house.
Step 3: Marriage.

[Saber]

I always assumed it went like this:
1. Find out the address of a girl.
2. Follow her around to make sure nothing bad happens to her.
3. Watch her to make sure she doesn't go out with anybody else.
4. Confess love.
5 (only if 4 fails). Follow her around screaming 'I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU', repeat until she collapses.
6. Drag to house.
7. Marriage!

[Ackybur]

I always assumed it went like this:
1. Find out the address of a girl.
2. Follow her around to make sure nothing bad happens to her.
3. Watch her to make sure she doesn't go out with anybody else.
4. Confess love.
5 (only if 4 fails). Follow her around screaming 'I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU', repeat until she collapses.
6. Drag to house.
7. Marriage!

8. If she refuses kill her and put in freezer so she never leaves you.

[duck]

I always assumed it went like this:
1. Find out the address of a girl.
2. Follow her around to make sure nothing bad happens to her.
3. Watch her to make sure she doesn't go out with anybody else.
4. Confess love.
5 (only if 4 fails). Follow her around screaming 'I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU', repeat until she collapses.
6. Drag to house.
7. Marriage!

8. If she refuses, kill her and put in freezer so she never leaves you.

newest grammar nazi here, you forgot the comma

[Prof_Schwartz]

See, i happily love my girlfriend, and she happily loves me, soooo im just gonna completely disregard this thread....


oh and TL;DR

I read the first few lines and thats a bout it

[BoB Dolen]

Thread needs more Rape Kit ideas.

[Zclipse]

I always assumed it went like this:
1. Find out the address of a girl.
2. Follow her around to make sure nothing bad happens to her.
3. Watch her to make sure she doesn't go out with anybody else.
4. Confess love.
5 (only if 4 fails). Follow her around screaming 'I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU', repeat until she collapses.
6. Drag to house.
7. Marriage!

8. If she refuses kill her and put in freezer so she never leaves you.

Ackbar taught me how to pick up girls with that piece of advice.

[Ackybur]

I always assumed it went like this:
1. Find out the address of a girl.
2. Follow her around to make sure nothing bad happens to her.
3. Watch her to make sure she doesn't go out with anybody else.
4. Confess love.
5 (only if 4 fails). Follow her around screaming 'I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU', repeat until she collapses.
6. Drag to house.
7. Marriage!

8. If she refuses kill her and put in freezer so she never leaves you.

Ackbar taught me how to pick up girls with that piece of advice.

Z, you still heat up the slices of bologna and put it in her vagina to make it feel real right? Taught him that too.

[Prof_Schwartz]

You people sicken me lol

[Saber]

Schwartz=zero sense of humor

[Hauptmann_Hotpants(:]

That moment when you actually thought this was a real topic and were about to follow teh steps..

[WHAMbulance]

Step 1: Acquire Rag.
Step 2: Acquire chloroform
Step 3: "Does this rag smell like chloroform?"
Step 4: Marriage.

[Harri]

I always assumed it went like this:
1. Find out the address of a girl.
2. Follow her around to make sure nothing bad happens to her.
3. Watch her to make sure she doesn't go out with anybody else.
4. Confess love.
5 (only if 4 fails). Follow her around screaming 'I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU', repeat until she collapses.
6. Drag to house.
7. Marriage!

You just described Twilight.

[Chocolate Love God]

I got this one

1. Awkward sexual advances
2. APPLY MONEY
3. Set a time for more awkward sexual advances
4. APPLY MONEY
5. Repeat until you are rewarded with awkward sex.
6. APPLY A LOT OF MONEY
7. Shit, you're engaged.
8. Marriage
9. APPLY HALF OF ALL YOUR MONEY
10. Hey, at least you can be "on the prowl" again
11. Oh wait, you aren't the player you thought you were.
12. Oh? And you had kids?
13. And she took them both?
14. And your house?
15. APPLY SHOTGUN


I may have missed a stage or two, but It seems spot on.

[xbawkzes]

Thanks to this thread, I now have 10 girlfriends all carrying my children

[doppelganger]

Guy's thread is a success, he picks up all sorts of girls on here... saber, acky, harri, zclipse... it's amazing since I haven't seen or heard from Z in months that Guy's chick magnet is that powerful.

[Guy]

I had a private message from an undisclosed person begging for help.

Dearest Guy,

I am desperate and begging for your wisdom!
I am in love with this girl and I tried asking her out, but she rejects me.

How do I get her to fall in love with me?

Sencerly,

Lonely in Vermont

Well Mr. Vermont...

My advice is to send her love letters in the mail confessing your love to her often, as well as leaving sexually explict voicemails on her phone. Get her hot by sneeking into her home and leave a pair of underwear on her pillow with a picture of your gentals. If that won't get her I don't know what will.