The Critsandvich story game

[GoDM1N]

Here are the rules, every now and then when I feel like it I will write 2 or 3 paragraphs of which will be voted on to become part of the story as a whole, kind of like a mad lib only you will vote on more than just a word. I will also accept others paragraphs if they want to submit one. Voting may last a week, or a few hrs before I write more. The polls will change as we go, so everything will be in this thread.

Poll 1
Sandvich squad on Sawmill hill 53%
Defenders of 2Fort 47%

Poll 2
That things operational! 53%
The lucky demo Pan 47%

Poll 3
The lucky demo Pan 7%
The signal 53%
Ispy 40%

Poll 4
Ispy 14%
ze Uber 86%



The rain started to fall as the Sandvich squad entered the ghostly sawmill, their feet still tired from the trip. "So why are we here again?" Rustic asked as he cleaned the rain off his sniper scope. Rapid turned to Rustic and sighed as he started explaining the importance of the run down sawmill for what seemed to be the 3rd time. "What is every Red base made of Rustic?" Rapid said in a slightly annoyed voice. "Wood?" Rustic replied as he checked around a corner. Rapid turned to Rustic and gave him a golf clap, holding his mini gun between his arms. The Sandvich squad is a elite group of people who are sided with the Blu faction, they are tasked with long ranged takeovers at key locations. They were sent by Argent to capture a old sawmill to make sure Red doesn't start it back up again. The Sandvich squad consist of, Rustic the team sniper, Rapid Heavy weapons guy, Strobe the soldier, Legendary the doctor of the bunch and speaLL the Engineering specialist.

"Set up that teleporter so we can bring in back up and supplies" Rapid ordered as he signaled Rustic to take a position on a nearby roof. SpeaLL pulled our his tool box and started working on a near by stack of logs as Rapid stood near by covering him. Meanwhile Strobe and Legendary were tasked with searching for any sign of Red team members, checking each building room by room. They found themselves at a large building with two amazingly large saw blades, static and half way rusted. They started to search the point, making sure to check every inch of the large creaking building. The familiar sound of the wind blowing put the two at alert as they were finishing the search of the building. As they exited the saws turned on, the two looked to each other, both knowing what this meant. Rustic who saw the disturbance through his scope alerted Rapid as the medic and soldier rushed back to the group. Rapid knew what this meant, the base just went operational and it was sure to alert any Reds near by. "You better have that teleporter ready soon" Rapid said as he did a weapons check "Because we're about to need a whole lot of help"

The sandvich squad setup a perimeter as SpeaLL franticly worked on setting up a teleporter, Rapid hovering him as he built. "We've got incoming" Rustic said as he searched a far away area of the old mill through his scope. "Legendary, Rustic and I will cut them off. Strobe you stay with SpeaLL and make sure you get that teleporter up and running" Rapid ordered as they ran off towards the point. Rustic jumped from roof to roof covering Rapid and Legendary as they moved across streets, moving from building to building for cover. The group found themselves at the same building Legendary found himself at earlier in the day. Rustic ran across a wooden bridge onto the upper floor of the same building, while Rapid and Legendary took a position behind a stack of logs on the opposite side of the building. No sooner had Legendary ducked behind the logs than the Reds entered the building, walking slowly to the middle, all with their heads on a swivel. Rapid made a cup in one hand and pointed at it with his other. It was a signaled, for Rustic to throw his home made Jarate onto the unaware Reds. Rustic reached for the back of his belt, but was quickly interrupted by a enemy spy who was just inches from stabbing him in the back.


Rustic swung his Bushwacka at the spies face, nearly hitting him in the throat. The spy backed up taking a fencing position as Rustic swung wildly at the spy trying to overwhelm him. Rapid who saw what happened in the window ordered his medic to pop his uber. The pair jumped over the logs, glowing blue as they killed all of the surprised red team. The Spy, seeing his team wiped, out cloaked and ran off, but not before leaving a mark on Rustics arm. After the battle Legendary patched up Rustics arm "Zhis cut was only a inch away from your artery." Legendary mumbled as he finished the bandage. Rustic looked pail most likely due to the blood lost and the since of insecurity of nearly being killed, only escaping by a lucky reach for a jar. "How long until your next uber is ready?" Rapid asked as he reloaded. Legendary looked down at the ground and thought for a second, sighed and replied "At least 30 more minutes. Vith the spy still around ve should probably return to the athers incase zhe spy makes his way to them" Rapid finished loading his weapons and turned to Rustic "Take a look on the roof really fast, see if there are anymore coming. Assuming it is safe to move we will"


Story continues


1) Ispy
As soon as Rapid and the others left their line of sight a shot came out of no where, hitting SpeaLL in the leg. Strobe quickly started to fire rockets blindly as she pulled the engi to better cover. "Must be a spy out there, she said as she pushed down on SpeaLLs leg. "That tele is almost done!" SpeaLL panted "If you can bring it to me I'll have it setup in no time!" Strobe looked at the stack of logs where the teleporter sat, which seemed rather risky to make a run for. "We'll have to trick this spy first" Strobe said as she handed SpeaLL her rocket launcher. "Shoot a few off and I'll go around and cross the street over there, hide behind the buildings and then I'll grab it and run straight back here. That stupid spy will think we're both still behind this building." She said as she took off all her heavy gear, taking only her shotgun and the rounds already loaded.

2) Wheres my fucking tele!
"Wheres that teleporter!" Argent yelled as he slammed his fist on the table "Its been three days since they left, and they should of been there early this morning! Why haven't they set the exit up yet! Intel people, intel!" The room stayed silent with the exception of Fingerman who stood up and started yelling as well "Where is the fucking tele, we need a tele. Du ya know how long its been since I've pilled a point. Too long!" Failhorse quickly followed with a mumbled reply, but was cut off by Fingerman "What da fuck is this thing sayin? No one can hear ya due to that mask over ye face" Everyone turned to the pyro as he sat down slowly looking down with a long look on his mask as he kept mumbling. "Look we simply don't even know if they're still alive, that intel Sirnak brought us yesterday says the Reds are moving half of their forces to that sawmill, they're most likely dead." said Richard, trying to get the meeting back on track. Argent sat back in his chair and thought for a moment, rubbing his face as he put out his cigarette "We'll send half of our forces to counter, assuming they get a tele exit up half of whats left at the base will go to assist." The room went silent again but this time due to shock. "Argent, that only leaves a forth of our total forces at our main base, this is a very big gamble, what if the intel is fake?" Jake said as Argent lit another cigarette. Argent inhaled, slowly let out the smoke and said "Well what if its not, they would have the sawmill and then in a matter of weeks it wouldn't matter. We'll split our forces in half based on class ratio. Assuming the tele goes up our offences will assist the sandvich squad, while defenses stay at the base. The half that leaves for the sawmill would be there in 3 days and we'd make our main push. We simply can not let them have that sawmill. No more questions this meeting is over."

[VoltySquirrel]

I'm not in there, so I refuse to participate.

[Richard Grey]

I like the idea of the thread, and i eagerly await plot thickening activity! Should be interesting to see your interpretation and characterization of certain server goers (including myself, if I were to eventually be mentioned in the writings...)

[duck]

this sounds like fun.
demoknight unicorn away

[GoDM1N]

I like the idea of the thread, and i eagerly await plot thickening activity! Should be interesting to see your interpretation and characterization of certain server goers (including myself, if I were to eventually be mentioned in the writings...)

I plan to use everyone who wants to be in the story. It would help if people would tell me what they want to be, demo, heavy, Red, Blu, sandvich squad, 2fort defender, other ect. Assuming this turns out to be something epic I may make it into a actual book/comic/whatever, but don't hold me to that.

Also feel free to point out spelling errors, grammar problems ect. I reread my post but when writing this stuff I always miss something. I'm still finding problems in my original critsandvich story

[Ninja]

You can add me too

[Guy]

How about using both stories... and write both sides of them.

Like Sawmill Hill and 2Fort are happenin' at the same time.

[Guy]

Mind the bad grammer. XD

Guy, the red medic, sighed as he walked back into his clinic. His medipack's battery was ruined and his neatly pressed lab coat covered in blood and a few pieces of slight gore. There was a massive bloodbath that happened less than an hour ago, leaving just him and very large, overweight, special needs scout, left alive. He managed to use the last of his energy to uber himself and the dummkopf to safety... shortly after the uber discharged, his medipack shorted out, sending a violent wave of energy and killing a random enemy spy that was coming up behind him. The special need scout followed behind him into the clinic, and with glaze eyed look, took out his sandvich. "Must you zat here, swinehound?" The heavy... I mean scout, just kept noming on his sandvich. Guy examined his medipack, trying to see what went wrong with the battery. "Ah, ze main conductor coil took a shniper round." Guy said, "I knew zat shniper vas after me." Guy noticed that the annoying chomping of the heavy had stopped... and he smelt cigarette smoke. "Why hello doctor." said the shadowy figure, "We have things to discuss."
"I have nothing to zay to you!", Guy yelled as he pulled out his bonesaw. "We know about you and your... heavy..." the shadowy figure said softly. Guy, with a shock, dropped his saw and gasped. "Like I said doctor, we have things to discuss." the shadowy figure said, with a slight smirk.


I was thinking about this as the beginning of your story in my wedding thread lol:

It was a bright sunny day as Guy, also known as the red medic put on his outfit for the last time. Months went into picking the right lab coat, and he still wasn't happy with the one he picked. A Knock on the door made him jump, and was followed by a voice that quickly put his sole at ease. He always loved Cash, the Blu heavy, and they had been friends for life. "Come in, ze door is unlocked" said Guy in a joyous voice. Cash stumbled in with a very nervous look, he looked as if he wanted to show his disapproval of what was soon to be the wedding of Guy and the Blu solider who was named Mangachu. Guy was acquainted with the look himself, he saw it every time he looked into the mirror. "Don't ve sad, we'll still be together in our hearts" Guy said to Cash in a soft voice. Cash looked up from the floor with a single tear in his eye, trying to think of the words for the feeling of the ache in his chest. Cash looked back down at the floor as the tear finally fell to the ground and said "No, its not possible". Guy put his hand on Cashes cheek to comfort the poor heavy, as a tear drops from Guys half way closed eyes as he sighs. "Mine fuhrer simply wont let us be zegether. You can not fit in ze attic" Guy said in a pain filled voice. Cash looked up from the ground once more to put his arms around Guy. "If only it was this easy they both said. Cash wipes his eyes and says "Just you wait medic, we will find way to stop wedding", he lays a single kiss on Guys hands as he held them softly. Cash slowly pokes his head outside the door to make sure not to be seen, blows a kiss to Guy and walks out the door. Guy closes the door behind the lumbering heavy, and falls to the ground in tears.

Meanwhile Fingermen and GoDM1N also known as the demo brothers are once again arguing over which point to pill. "We're going ta pill A first! That wai we can get the easy one out of the bloody way!" Fingerman yelled in a thick Scottish voice. "Ey" GoDM1N quickly responded in a identical voice "But if A is so easy to take why not go fur B first while we're at full strength ya one eyed Idiot!" Fingerman lifted his eye patch to reveal a 2nd eye and replied "Don't cha bring mah mother into this ya drunk pint sized mutt!" Failhorse and Harri who had been watching the two demomen going at it for at least 10 minutes finally decide they better step in before they decided to pill each other or the wedding. Harri hits her ball right to the demo brothers feet which causes them both to jump backwards and turn to Harri "Yo guys thats anough!" Both Fingerman and GoDM1N look at each other and then back to Harri as they pick up their weapons in what seemed to be a perfect synchronization. Harri turns to Failhorse with a smile, as Failhorse readies his flamethrower. "Fire!" they both yelled as Fingerman and his demo counterpart shot their pills at Harri. Harri stood still as a fainting goat, as Failhorse steped in-front of her and pointed his flame thrower up in the air as it made a loud wush sound. The two demos laughs stop and quickly turn into "no's" as the pills are fired back from once they came. The Pills land at the feet of the demo brothers, as they try to run away "This is all yah fault" GoDM1N yelled as he ran dodging his own pills. Fingerman dodges a pill and quickly replies "So much for taking B at full strength eh?" The two go right back to arguing over whos fault it was as they were ran out by Failhorse and Harri.

Cash who witnessed the latter half of the conflict slowly walked in the opposite direction of the fleeing demomen. "What can I do to save Medic" he says out loud, "There must be something that can be done". He pulled out his last sandvich and gets ready to take a bite as he sits down on a half crushed barrel. "Excuse me fatty" says a European voice, "Your sandwich wont save you now!" Cash dropped his sandvich and jumps to his feet as he yells spy and scrambles to ready his mini gun. "Hoa, hoa hoa!" the voice says as Cash turns rapidly and continues to yell our for help as he backs against the wall, "Ohhh this is bad!" Cash says as he checks around the corner. "There is no need to fear you bumbling fatso" the voice says. As the wind blows a spy appears right in front of Cash. The spy was none other than Doppel, the Red spy. "You do not approve of this wedding do you?" said the Red spy as he pulled out his cigarettes and placed one between his lips. "What do you want spy" Cash yelled in anger as he rubbed his back to remind himself of what happen last time the two had met. "Things" said Doppel "We both want things", Cash quickly replied "Medic is not a..." but was interrupted by the slim European man standing before him "Semantics" yelled the spy "If you don't want your medic than stop wasting my time!". Cash lowered his mini gun which was still pointed right at Doppels upper chest and sighed. "What do you want spy?" said Cash, the spy took a large poof from his hand rolled cigarette and blew it on Cashes mini gun. "You want the Medic, I want your Intelligence" Doppel said as he took another poof of the cigarette. "No!" Cash yelled as he began to slowly back away from the spy, not so much as blinking. Dopple started to walk towards the heavy as he released the smoke once more, "There simply is no other way, you hand me the intel, and I'll make sure the solider doesn't marry your precious medic." said Dopple as he drops the half used cigarette to the ground, not bothering to make sure it got put out. "I will assume we have a understanding" the spy muttered as the wind blew and the spy slowly disappeared. Cash threw is mini gun up on his shoulder, and walked backward a few steps before turning around. "Spy better not be tricking me." he thought as he started to make his way to the Blu base, turning his head every few steps to make sure the spy didn't try to back stab him again.


The sound of beeping computers filled Cashes head while he walked into the intel room as he looked at the overflowing briefcase. He placed his hand on the handle as a voice said "You're really going to do it aren't you?" The voice uncloaked behind the surprised heavy. "Argent! What are you doing here" Cash said as he stumbled back into the room further. "I saw you with Doppel" Argent said as he sat behind the desk of which the briefcase once sat. Cash began to stutter as he fought to find words to explain the treason he had just committed. Argent put his feet up on the desk as he started explaining things to the heavy. "It is not news you do not want Guy to marry Mangachu, at least not to us spies." Argent said as he tossed pictures of the two together on the table. "You are being used as a pawn by both sides to get what the other wants." said Argent as Cash look through the photos, sliding one of him and Guy kissing on the beach in his coat pocket. "Heres what you are going to do" Argent said as he took his feet off the desk, "You are going to take this briefcase to the wedding with you, and you're going to tell Doppel to make sure Guy doesn't get married before you hand it over, after the wedding you simply hand it over." Cash look dumbfounded as Argent walked away, he looked down at the briefcase twiddling with the lock. "Why would you hand Red spy our intel" Cash said as he looked back up, but Argent had disappeared again. Cash returned to the sandvich he dropped earlier in the day when Doppel confronted him. "Hoa, hoa, hoa" Doppel said as he appeared, "I see you have the briefcase, now hand it over" Cash turned to the spy and said "No! Not until the wedding is off!" Doppel spook in a unknown language to Cash for several seconds before saying "Fine! If thats the way this is going to work let it be done" I will see you at the wedding!" and just like that Doppel cloaked again. After their little chat a voice came onto the speakers "Five more minutes until the wedding, just five more minutes!" Cashes eyes opened wide as he began to run to the wedding point.

Cash took his place beside the best man, Gatlin, the chipper sniper. As NINJA began to play the organ. Fingerman and GoDM1N weren't allowed to sit next to each other due to what happen earlier, however the two were still making jesters to each other. The organ stopped briefly as it began to play the traditional wedding song and Hibiscus began to walk down the bridge of 2Fort, throwing flowers and humming some song from a Japanese band no one else had ever herd of. She was followed shortly after by Volty, caring the golden hats to the stage. Guy sighed before he started to walk, stumbling a little due to starting on the wrong foot. Guy took his place as the Administrator started. Cash was looking for the red spy as this all was going on, "Where is he?" he couldn't help but wonder as the wedding continued without interruptions, "Damn it!" thought Cash as he gritted his teeth, "That spy had no plan on stopping wedding!" No sooner had Cash thought the word wedding than Argent busted down the bridge. "Stop, we have all been fooled" yelled Argent as he looked around the room. "There is a spy amongst us!" Failhouse started to spray flames all around him as he checked everyone quickly and effectively. Cash dropped the briefcase and began to help Failhorse look for the Red spy. "Which one of you is spy!" Cash yelled as he punched guest after guest in the face. Cashes heart sank as he heard a horrid sound come from what he thought was hes one and only. "This can not be" Thought Cash, as Doppel undisguised pulling the well made mask of Argent off his face with one hand as he held the briefcase in the other. Doppel through the mask to the ground as he pulled the knife out of Guys back. A rage began to take over Cash as he ran to Guys side. "Sandvich!" Cash yelled as he made his way to Guys dieing body. Doppel cloaked and disappeared as Failhorse continued to spy check without any luck. Cash picked up Guys body and started to shake it, "No! This can not happen" yelled Cash as Guy slowly slipped away.

Argent uncloaked behind Cash and said "Small price to pay for treason dont you think?" Cash looked at Argent with smoke coming out of his ears, as Argent turned to the demo brothers. "The Medic is down, rush B." Argent said as he pointed to the point. The two demomen charged away and were followed by Failhorse, Harri and NINJA. "Why has this happened, Red spy has the briefcase, medic is dead, I lost everything" Argent turns to Cash and says "Well not everything." as Guy appeared out of the Blu base in a Blu lap coat. Cash rolls over on his back as he looks back and forth between Argent and Guy. "Medic?!" Cash yelled as he stood up and began running towards Guy. "Heavy!" Guy yelled as he started to run himself. The two met in the middle of the bridge and immediately kissed. Shortly after Cash turned to Argent and said "but how!?" Argent laughed and explained how he switched the briefcase for a fake and switched guy out with some random Red medic he found the day before when Doppel started the confusion. "So its over?" Said Cash in a confused voice. "Yes" said guy as he laid his head into Cashes chest "Red and mine fuhrer thinks I'm dead, and I'm with Blu and you now" The two walked away into the Blu base, resting at last, together. "Hoa, Hoa, Hoa" Doppel laughed as he opened the briefcase for the first time, "That fat sandvich eating missing link is most likely jumped off the side of the bridge by.... NoOOOO" he yelled as he found out he had been double crossed "This is not the end of this heavy! This is not the end!"



The End

[Hotpocket]

i would love to be in the sawmill one as an encountered spy

[stanley]

you know what i play

[Techercizer]

I'm with Volty on this one

[VoltySquirrel]

I'm with Volty on this one

Well, to be fair, I have been here longer...

[Techercizer]

I'm with Volty on this one

Well, to be fair, I have been here longer...

[doesn't get the point]---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->
You certainly have; far longer I would say. Probably by more than a factor of 10. I still agree with your lighthearted sentiment though.

[Sirnak]

I love your idea, Godmin. I'd like being in the story whenever and as whatever role you can put me into.

I don't mind either Pyro (backburner Pyro, if it makes any difference for your story lol) or Spy (Saharan Spy, if it makes any difference). Also, if I have to die, make it a cool death. xD

Again, great project. I like it really much.

[GoDM1N]

Added new paragraphs to be voted on

Also Guy the two stories are in the same TF2 universe, so I do plan for them all to be connected sooner or later. I just don't want to throw too many characters/plots in at the same time or it'll be a jumbled mess

[Patrid]

I'm with Volty on this one

Well, to be fair, I have been here longer...

Well, if we're going in terms of seniority...

[GoDM1N]

Poll has been fixed, it didn't reset the votes from the 1st poll. plz revote if you voted within the last 10mins

[VoltySquirrel]

Voted for two for obvious reasons.

[Techercizer]

Voted for two for obvious reasons.

I'm with Volty on this one

[Harri]

Be prepared Critsandvich, I have a surprise for you. Might take me awhile though.

[Guy]

I wondered where my head went! XD

[Harri]

Here is a preview of dah surprise!




Oh and don't worry. I'm not finished with this one.

On a side note, it will take me forever to do everything written in this little story. So I'll pick each person, do a drawing, and put a story quote next to them.

Edit: goal is to have one new sketch every week. Maybe two if I'm fast.

Edit #2: I'm only doing anime. Anime is sooooooo easy to draw. Deal with it.

[GoDM1N]

Here is a preview of dah surprise!




Oh and don't worry. I'm not finished with this one.

On a side note, it will take me forever to do everything written in this little story. So I'll pick each person, do a drawing, and put a story quote next to them.

Edit: goal is to have one new sketch every week. Maybe two if I'm fast.

Edit #2: I'm only doing anime. Anime is sooooooo easy to draw. Deal with it.

I love you <3

[GoDM1N]

Also working on some drawings myself. Dusted off my tablet the other day, however I suck at drawing things that already exist 0

[VoltySquirrel]

Here is a preview of dah surprise!




Oh and don't worry. I'm not finished with this one.

On a side note, it will take me forever to do everything written in this little story. So I'll pick each person, do a drawing, and put a story quote next to them.

Edit: goal is to have one new sketch every week. Maybe two if I'm fast.

Edit #2: I'm only doing anime. Anime is sooooooo easy to draw. Deal with it.

Dibs on next.

[Cash]

Also working on some drawings myself. Dusted off my tablet the other day, however I suck at drawing things that already exist 0

Hey, I play heavy and have a hat just like th.............wait a minute

[Prof_Schwartz]

I would love to be in your story as well Godmin, preferably as a Medic, since I feel it would match my name as for teams, i don't mind.

[Guy]

Also working on some drawings myself. Dusted off my tablet the other day, however I suck at drawing things that already exist 0

Hey, I play heavy and have a hat just like th.............wait a minute

*snort* ahaha!

@GodM1N, you can draw better than I can on the computer by far!

[Sirnak]

I especially like The lucky demo pan. It's awesome! xD

Keep it up. ^^

[Harri]

UHG! My scanner is broken and now I don't feel like doctoring anything up. Also, drawing on the computer sucks asshole.


So here is the un-doctored sketch of Rustic.



1. You have chest hair and caterpillar eyebrows, the left one looks janky though
2. It's very sketch with a pencil, sorry I'm lazy,
3. The original one was done on my bamboo tablet. I decided to redraw on paper. Sorry.

I'm lazy yo!

[GoDM1N]

New poll is up

[Guy]

Harri, draw meh as a medic <3
Here is my picture: viewtopic.php?f=21&t=316&start=250

[Prof_Schwartz]

I like where this story is going Godmin keep it up

[The 12th Doctor]

I agree with the Jewish Wookie above me. Keep it up, G0dm1n!

[VoltySquirrel]

If you don't vote for the Lucky Demo Pan, you hate me. And whoever hates me is a commie.

[Rustic Apple]

Why is everyone voting for the part where I'm about to get backstabbed?

*edit* Owait, I can't read.... carry on!

[Harri]

I love you Rustic, that's all that matters.


Drawings in order to appear:

1. Argent
2. Guy
3. Strobe
4. Legendary
5. Speall

Done works:

1. Rustic


Again, my scanner is broken and I ditched doing it on the computer. So you get pictures of my sketches until I get to doctoring them. That way I get more out.

Oh! If you really don't care to see my version of you please tell me, it will save me time.

[duck]

draw me. i want to be a demo knight with a octopus hat on

[Dèx]

What about me? will i get into the stories if i complain? xD

[Techercizer]

draw me. i want to be a demo knight with a octopus hat on

Wow you really love that thing at the moment, don't you UP?

[Prof_Schwartz]

If you don't vote for the Lucky Demo Pan, you hate me. And whoever hates me is a commie.

I have Russian blood coursing through my veins....Does that make me a commie?

And Harri if you don't mind maybe draw me too? (If you can) ^__^

[Harri]

I will add you to the growing list.

I have Argent finished, but no batteries for my camera. I hope to post it tonight.

Oh Son! I'll draw you and Dad in when I do the Tuna family. It will be epic.

[Rustic Apple]

A Fishie Family Photo! How adorable!

[GoDM1N]

Added new Poll

[GoDM1N]

New Poll

[Harri]

Argent up!







I need a new camera/ scanner T.T

[Dèx]

Draw the tunafish family:O