Ask Chef Cholent all your cooking and Israel conondrums

[Vintage Cholent]

In lieu of the Volty Squirrel and unicorn success, I wish to add my helpful new topic.

feel free to ask me any cooking, Jewish or Israel related questions.

inb4jewgoldskthxbai

[Konfy]

are jews still mad at germans? xD

[Vintage Cholent]

^somewhat. I think they have every right to

[Konfy]

I don't think that they have the right to be mad at the newer generations, no offense. :>

[Maringue]

I submit that I'm a better cook than you, so I will challenge your cooking question answerer mantle.

[Failhorse]

Have all the Jews told the Egyptians if they screw up the pyramids, you won't help rebuild them?

[Toaster]

1) (isn't a question) I can cook better than you and maringue
2) will the jews ever stop their QQ?
3(also not a question) OP cant inb4

[Vintage Cholent]

1. Jews arent exactly angry at newer generations, however they avoid germans
2. Toaster, during the summers I compete in cook offs against some Chefs who have been on the food network channel. So, if you wish to challenge me bring your A+ game
3. Egyptians will have to figure out how we made them pyramids first

[duck]

can unicorns kill Jews without being racist

[Toaster]

1. Jews arent exactly angry at newer generations, however they avoid germans
2. Toaster, during the summers I compete in cook offs against some Chefs who have been on the food network channel. So, if you wish to challenge me bring your A+ game
3. Egyptians will have to figure out how we made them pyramids first

Thats an exquisite tale but I'm Italian, making me genetically superior in every way.

Also, "during the summers I compete in cook offs against some Chefs who have been on the food network channel. So, if you wish to challenge me bring your A+ game" doesn't say anything about your culinary skill. For all I know you could be washing celery for someones broth... Not that FN chefs are more than faces in magazines or on TV that are way over glorified. Of course there are some great chefs on FN ie: Paula Deen, Bobby Flay, Mario Batali ect.

Thats pretty cool though

[Failhorse]

I use to be a manager of store openings for Denny's and one of the head "chef" trainers in the company. Yes Denny's has chefs....
I bet i can make a moons of my hammy better than any of you.

[Vintage Cholent]

Toaster, being Italian doesn't really mean much in the cooking world (mainly because Italian food is so commonly over glorified in the media and quite easy to cook if you are familiar with different types of meats and cheeses. I keep kosher so making Italian food kosher is actually harder than making regular Italian food.)
Second of all, there are a lot of good Chefs who arent on the food network channel (cruise ship chefs, hotel chefs etc.) so it doesnt really matter as long as it is not a sous chef.

Failhorse, one of my cooking mentors worked for 10+ years in a Denny's, i know exactly what you are talking about.

[NuclearWatermelon]

(mainly because Italian food is so commonly over glorified in the media and quite easy to cook if you are familiar with different types of meats and cheeses. I keep kosher so making Italian food kosher is actually harder than making regular Italian food.)

At risk of sounding like the backwards southerner that I am, I can only conclude that "thems fightin words son".

[Vintage Cholent]

At risk of sounding like the backwards southerner that I am, I can only conclude that "thems fightin words son".

Nuke,

I have a lot of respect for Toaster and his cooking abilities in fact I don't mean to sound condesending at all. However, (without sounding like an elitist prick or a fightin son') making food kosher takes cooking to a whole new level.

[NuclearWatermelon]

Well you sound high and mighty to me. But that's all well and fine, I could not cook to save my life.

[Toaster]

(-_-") the Italian bit was a joke

I've never cooked kosher anything but I'm pretty sure the only difference is in the preparation, beyond that is subjective tastes. Not sure how it makes it harder, just less authentic.

"Second of all, there are a lot of good Chefs who arent on the food network channel (cruise ship chefs, hotel chefs etc.) so it doesnt really matter as long as it is not a sous chef."

Are you just agreeing with me??

[Toaster]

At risk of sounding like the backwards southerner that I am, I can only conclude that "thems fightin words son".

Nuke,

I have a lot of respect for Toaster and his cooking abilities in fact I don't mean to sound condesending at all. However, (without sounding like an elitist prick or a fightin son') making food kosher takes cooking to a whole new level.

Ditto

People always sound like assholes on the Internet... or just writing in general can be miss leading. I know I'm almost always joking or sarcastic and people constantly take it as me being a dick.

[Vintage Cholent]

cooking kosher means no milk and meat together so yes the preparation and end product are both different and less authentic.

I agree with you on the chef-sous chef dealio.

I tend to sound immature/annoying online but in reality (and rising pheonix can vouch for this) I am a none annoying, trusworthy, and reliable Jewish friend to have. In addition to cooking, I also find good deals sites for friends (whiskeymilitia, dogfunk etc.)

[Failhorse]

How is food authentic when it's cooked by someone of (insert cultural heritage) decent. That's like saying Taco Bell is authentic mexican food cause the dude behind the counter couldn't find work in front of the Home Depot.
Honestly Toaster the only thing authentic about Canadian cooking is cutting ham too thick. I MEAN BACON.

(yes i went there.)

Also, the Kosher thing bugs me. According to the bible, you'll go to hell first for wearing a poly/cotton fabric.

[Toaster]

How is food authentic when it's cooked by someone of (insert cultural heritage) decent. That's like saying Taco Bell is authentic mexican food cause the dude behind the counter couldn't find work in front of the Home Depot.
Honestly Toaster the only thing authentic about Canadian cooking is cutting ham too thick. I MEAN BACON.

(yes i went there.)

Also, the Kosher thing bugs me. According to the bible, you'll go to hell first for wearing a poly/cotton fabric.

The preparation and ingredients (where ingredients are grown) are all factors in authenticity, taking away from or modifying changes the recipe entirely.

I never said you had to be Italian to make authentic Italian food =S but any old Italian would agree that it plays a big roll lol. You're right though, unlike my parents I was born in in Canada, low blow fail >.>

[Vintage Cholent]

Also, the Kosher thing bugs me. According to the bible, you'll go to hell first for wearing a poly/cotton fabric.

^nothing to do with eating kosher food, but that is only partially correct. Jewish people arent supposed to wear anything that combines wool and linen.

Fail, look on the bright side; Jewish people have a holiday (called purim) that is kind of like halloween combined with thanksgiving and st. patty's day. Even if you don't drink it is still a really awesome holiday with a lot of the "they-tried-to-kill-us-we-survived-lets-eat" meals.

SIDE NOTE: Purim is one of the big Jewish drinking holidays when each Jewish male is commanded to drink until he cannot tell the difference between Haman (evil dude with pointy hat) and Mordecai (righteous dude with epic beard)

[Failhorse]

^nothing to do with eating kosher food, but that is only partially correct. Jewish people arent supposed to wear anything that combines wool and linen.

That all depends on how you actually interpret the old Testament. Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts. If you want to interpret it for face value... Do not wear any mixed fabrics. Modern interpretation has changed this... You're going to hell my son...


This has been Failhorse's weekly bible lesson.

Next week we'll talk about how child jesus terrorized/tortured/killed other children. And how these stories were left out of the bible.

[Konfy]

That all depends on how you actually interpret the old Testament. Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts. If you want to interpret it for face value... Do not wear any mixed fabrics. Modern interpretation has changed this... You're going to hell my son...

you're 100 percent sure that the translation matches perfectly with the original meaning? :>

[Vintage Cholent]

^nothing to do with eating kosher food, but that is only partially correct. Jewish people arent supposed to wear anything that combines wool and linen.

That all depends on how you actually interpret the old Testament. Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts. If you want to interpret it for face value... Do not wear any mixed fabrics. Modern interpretation has changed this... You're going to hell my son...


This has been Failhorse's weekly bible lesson.

Next week we'll talk about how child jesus terrorized/tortured/killed other children. And how these stories were left out of the bible.

Thanks for bible lesson honorable FailedWhores (now I am definitely going to hell, used whores and bible in the same sentence) but according to the Ashkenazi tradition that text is interpreted as wool and linen.

[VoltySquirrel]

How long before Jesus comes back and saves Israel from destruction from everybody surrounding them?

[Vintage Cholent]

How long before Jesus comes back and saves Israel from destruction from everybody surrounding them?

eternity, keep waiting

[Maringue]

Purim is such a great holiday. Here is my buddy's best story about Purim.

My buddy and his also Jewish friend were on a 35 hour train ride in China (the friend spoke fluent Chinese) which happened to be on Purim. They had planned on drinking and smoking hash for the whole trip, so they taught the other Chinese guys sitting in the car with them about the story of Purim. It involves sharing booze with everyone, so they were all for it. They started about hour 2.

Hour 4: group has depleted the booze supply of the two Jews. 4 Chinese guys hop of the train at a stop and buy a shit ton of beer and Chinese vodka/engine cleaner.

Hour 6: At this point they've got most of the people in the train car Booing every time my friend shouts "HAMAN!"

Hour 7: first Chinese guy goes down, passed out.

Hour 11: Rest of group can still tell the difference between Haman and Mordecai, but most of the train is sleeping so they call a break.

Hour 17: Sunrise. "Haman!" 5 Chinese guys + 2 Jews "BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Drinking continues.

Hour 22: two locals down, remaining locals stop again for more paint thinner Chinese moonshine.

Hour 24: Hash smoking starts in earnest. One local asked about the "cigarette" so my friend gives him a couple drags thinking he's going to be on the train for 10 more hours so it'll be cool.

Hour 24 +5 min: Local, high as a kite, gets off at his stop to greet his family.

Hour 30: my friend clings to consciousness. Empty bottles litter the area in the train. His shirt is open and he and the area around him are covered in chicken foot remains.

Hour 35: my friends pull it together and stagger towards the exit at their stop. Before leaving, my friend turns and yells "Haman!" Only 1 of the locals could muster a "booo". Mission accomplished.

[Vintage Cholent]

Purim is such a great holiday. Here is my buddy's best story about Purim.

My buddy and his also Jewish friend were on a 35 hour train ride in China (the friend spoke fluent Chinese) which happened to be on Purim. They had planned on drinking and smoking hash for the whole trip, so they taught the other Chinese guys sitting in the car with them about the story of Purim. It involves sharing booze with everyone, so they were all for it. They started about hour 2.

Hour 4: group has depleted the booze supply of the two Jews. 4 Chinese guys hop of the train at a stop and buy a shit ton of beer and Chinese vodka/engine cleaner.

Hour 6: At this point they've got most of the people in the train car Booing every time my friend shouts "HAMAN!"

Hour 7: first Chinese guy goes down, passed out.

Hour 11: Rest of group can still tell the difference between Haman and Mordecai, but most of the train is sleeping so they call a break.

Hour 17: Sunrise. "Haman!" 5 Chinese guys + 2 Jews "BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Drinking continues.

Hour 22: two locals down, remaining locals stop again for more paint thinner Chinese moonshine.

Hour 24: Hash smoking starts in earnest. One local asked about the "cigarette" so my friend gives him a couple drags thinking he's going to be on the train for 10 more hours so it'll be cool.

Hour 24 +5 min: Local, high as a kite, gets off at his stop to greet his family.

Hour 30: my friend clings to consciousness. Empty bottles litter the area in the train. His shirt is open and he and the area around him are covered in chicken foot remains.

Hour 35: my friends pull it together and stagger towards the exit at their stop. Before leaving, my friend turns and yells "Haman!" Only 1 of the locals could muster a "booo". Mission accomplished.

MARINGUE, this is awesome!!!!

[Vintage Cholent]

Judaism has a lot more to it than just cooking and drinking.

We also do a lot of praying.

[Failhorse]

To answer your end of days question. I feel Eman Laerton can do a better job than me.
watch:

and

Slander.

[Vintage Cholent]

Fail,

the new testament has nothing to do with the Jewish beliefs of the end of days

[Failhorse]

I know, but that dude is really funny. And it was the only comedic thing i could think of at the moment.

[Vintage Cholent]

END OF DAYS =SERIOUS BUSINESS

see a movie called 4 lions for further details

btw those vids were quite funny