Sirnak's Report: I've Restarted Working on it!!!

[Sirnak]

Report 1: Zclipse Died that Day

I really have no idea how to start this report. The higher-ups wanted me to start writing some kind of diary-like report in which I'd be both sharing my thoughts about what happens on the battlefield and what happens in our small living quarters. The use of such a report, according to them, would be to grant them "a better idea of the general concerns and difficulties encountered by hired mercenaries on the front lines and in their personal quarters to analyse the possibilities of distributing long-term better and more efficient support". A report in which I need to talk only about my opinion. Bizarre. Well, I'm here to obey orders. I'll tell my opinion if it's what I'm ordered to. I must say that it's the first time in my mercenary career I'm asked to write a... diary. Interesting. Back in France, things were simpler. Well, let's start with the beginning...

Blu. What kind of name choice is this? It's réelle merde. Calling our small troop detachment Blu makes us all believe our hirers consider our battles as nothing more than mere video game fights. What's even more ridiculous is that our current foes are known as "Red"... It feels like both sides have similar higher-ups. These leaders are also the ones to choose our codenames for our missions, which explains why we sometimes end up with weird names. Out on the field, we don't know the names of our comrades. We always refer to each other by our codenames. It's a fonctional concept. Fighting alongside people, we end up sharing some sort of partnership. Professionals don't let this partnership transform into friendship. Not knowing someones's real name somehow helps to not fall into this trap. Once a mission is finished, we normally never end up fighting alongside the same mercenaries. It's good that way. Thanks to this simplistic system, we aren't as much affected when we lose people on the battlefield. Like what happened recently.

Codename Zclipse.

If you ever wielded a gun in your life, chances are you know HIS "name". This man was able to conquer whole battlefields with almost no reinforcement. Madly skilled with all weapons and brillant, he was as much respected by his allies as he was feared by his enemies. Not only was he skilled, he was incredibly wise. A man of few words, but a wise man. Every single word he would pronounce was considered as a proven fact or an order: that's how much he was adored. He also had a kind and polite personality. But, as you guessed by my previously used verb tense, it's all past now. Last week, we all fought on the battlefield as usual. Mission Goldrush was the operation called. Zclipse, Ackybur and myself were on the right front. Alone, Zclipse fought. Ackybur was there by his side, healing him, supporting him and watching his back, but he certainly didn't need any other help than that.

It was Zclipse, after all. Nobody could kill him. He was even killing enemies faster than I could travel by, completely invisible thanks to the Mann Co "Invisible Watch". I still managed to get injured, thanks to a lost grenade. As usual, I felt like merde compared to HIM. Ackybur wanted to heal me before venturing into the mine, but I refused. "I'd only slow you down. We need to be quick for this mission. You go with Zclipse. I'll stay here and patch my injuries as quickly as possible with the medkit. Go, petite fleur." I told her. They went into the mine together. From the mine came the dying screams of numerous men. They were being "zclipsed" (we used to say that all the time). Guns firing, rockets and grenades exploding... I heard all that. The usual. One hour later, as I was finally ready to walk again, Ackybur came out of the mine. Alone.

She seemed well physically, but her eyes were completely empty. I walked to her as soon as I saw her, but she seemed unable to see me even though I kept waving my hand in front of her eyes. I looked at myself; I was completely visible. I tried to shake her. Nothing. I yelled at her. Nothing. I even punched her face. Finally something. She fell on her knees, muttering "Zclipse..." She didn't cry the least, but I'm certain she wanted to. As a mercenary, she was trained not to.

Four days passed. We had to get used to battle without Zclipse. It was hard for everyone. He was our living Captain America. Our light in the dark. The Soldier that couldn't die. What was even harder on everybody was that we never knew what actually happened to Zclipse since Ackybur didn't want to talk about the incident. She quickly recovered from the shock, but still wouldn't say merde about what she saw. "Zclipse's gone now. Now leave me alone, dumbass." was the only answer we could get from her. That's when, as I was taking lunch alone with her (we were both on guard duty that night), she told me "I'm going back to headquarters. I don't want to stay here anymore. It's just... You understand, right?" "Yes", I answered. As I lied to her, I at least understood that Blu, as we knew it, was forever gone. The day after, Ackybur simply left, driving her way out of the desert with our only vehicule. That's what we discovered in the morning. She had no right to leave us so suddenly without permission from the higher-ups, but she still did it. I have no idea what happened down that mineral hole. I have no idea what Zclipse meant to Ackybur either. Were they friends? Or even worse, lovers? As a Spy, it was my duty to watch over my allies as much as over my enemies. But I failed miserably. All I know is that life changed in Blu that day. As the information specialist, I was blamed for all the merde that happened. And I fully accept it. The higher-ups made me clearly understand that I would certainly regret making another failure. Because of me, we lost Zclipse and Ackybur disappeared in the desert.

Today, we finally met our new comrades that were sent to us by headquarters. A new team is slowly being formed. Since I have to write a report based on my feelings and opinions, I will finish this first one talking about my partners, both new and old:

Sandman the Sniper: A great ally. He seems a bit childish at times, but he is deadly with a sniper rifle. A skilled predator, always looking for a prey. He enjoys insulting people and sometimes has problems helping the team with cleaning duties, but he's always focused on our goals and I know we can all count on him.

Patrid the Pyro: This... gentleman... is completely crazy. In doubt, he simply spouts flames everywhere around him, hoping to burn invisible Spies like me... He even interrogates people coming back and forth in our living quarters to make sure they are not Spies. He's that paranoid, but it's thanks to him that we all feel so safe to sleep at night. Also, he always keeps a watch over sentries and other things. He does the job nobody wants to do and does it better than what anybody could ever do.

GoDM1N the Demoman: A demolition specialist. He knows how to blow up everything he sees and exactly what quantity of explosives he needs to succeed. He's incredibly vulgar too and he can be a real attardé. At least, he doesn't stink too much... for a Scottish. He knows what a team is for and never hesitates to ask for reinforcements.

Toaster the Scout: Indeed. This young man is codenamed Toaster. I also did his mother in the past, I think.

Bjordan the Engineer: He can build everything with anything. Without joking, I can swear I saw him build a third class automatic sentry gun with only two pistols and one sniper rifle he found on enemy corpses. He must have an incredible amount of knowledge to pull that off.

Trauma the Soldier: I just met him today. He's Zclipse's replacement. Frankly, he'll have much to prove before we can accept his presence here. It's hard to live up to a legend. He seems polite, though.

Guy the Medic: He has a nice résumé, but I highly wonder how much we can trust him. Headquarters warned me that he failed the last three surgeries he attempted in the last detachment he was in and that it directly caused the death of three Soldiers. Can we really trust this guy?

Sirnak the Spy: Normally, I focus on doing my job. I'll try and keep doing that without judging the newcomers too harshly. My partners seem to call me "Spy-monkey" while I'm not around. I have yet to understand why...


Tomorrow, we have to make a final strike at nearby enemy forces to complete Mission Goldrush. HQ couldn't afford to lend us a Heavy for this mission. I hope we'll be fine. At the same time, we have for mission to find back Ackybur and get interrogate her. Why did she leave us? Does it have any link with Zclipse's disappearance? What truly happened to him? Does she intend to sell information to enemies? The vehicule she stole didn't have much gas left and she's probably lost in the desert now. So, if we come back from tomorrow's mission, we are to look for her in the desert with the new vehicule HQ sent us along with the two newcomers.

Ma petite fleur, I promise to investigate Zclipse's death.

Report 1, over.


Report 2: Unwelcomed

"You are homosexual."

Acts following words, I threw the three pictures on the table. Guy looked at the pictures, surprised. No, scared. Of course, these being the first words I told him before even greeting him could only provoke such a reaction. But I didn't care the least. He was in MY office right now and he had to understand the message. If he had to hate me for my methods, good for him. On the pictures were Guy and some Heavy mercenary, kissing each other with passion. "You need to understand that romantic relationships is forbidden in the front. I don't know much about the previous unit you were in. What I know, is, I'M the one in charge of this group's cohesion. As soon as this assigment finishes, be homosexual all you want and insert your phalic manhood in as many unsuspecting rectums as you judge to be necessary. But here, you'll have to wait before dealing with any carnal desire. As anybody else in the unit. I expect much from you as you must replace the most qualified and competent Medic we had until... very recently. Do I make myself clear?"

"Dah." he answered. I have no idea what between the simplicity of the answer or his incredibly deep accent confused me the most. Guy just looked at me, confident and sincere. Those were the eyes of someone you could trust. Those were the eyes of a warrior ready to go to the battlefield. It was all I wanted. "As for you, Trauma..." I started. Obviously inconfortable, the Soldier didn't know what nor how to reply. My short reunion with these two concluded short after. I guided them to their quarters and invited them to relax since they already had a reunion planned with the whole team in only one hour. I immediatly went to the meeting room to prepare different files for Blu members. It's my work to organize meetings, to give precious informations to the team and to plan missions after all. Reviewing my files again could not hurt.

"Mphm mmppmhh MPPHHMMM!" I turned around. Patrid was doing his round, as usual, and saw me from another corridor. He was going to "spy-check" me, of course (in the front, we call "spy-checking" any act having for objective to identify of find hidden enemies; MANN CO technology could be used by anyone after all). "Ppmhhh mphm?" he asked. "Take that mask off before talking or shut up. We can't understand you anyway like that." Patrid nodded, satisfied. I said the correct password. Luckily, I didn't forget to tell him about the two newcomers else he would have burned them to death before they could even enter our temporary base. Preventive mesures as he says.

In the meeting room, I wasn't surprised to see Sandman talking to the phone with his father. After all, the only phone we had was in the meeting room for some obscure reason and Sandman usually calls his family around this hour. I personally don't agree with his habit to contact his family so often, but there are no rules against it and our phone line iss secured so I can't oppose myself to it. "No, dad. I don't care about the definition of assassin your dictionnary gives you. I tell you I'm not....... No, you can't compare psychopaths to... Please, could you put mom on the phone?" The same old arguement between the two. I was used to hear Sandman yelling on the phone along with his father. As always, it finished with Sandman asking to talk with his mother. His father somehow sounds like a great man to me. Some fathers never had the chance to love their child. But this one worries about his son day and night.

After twenty minutes, I went to the kitchen make myself some coffee. I was surprised to see Toaster drinking coffee, sat near our single large table. I never saw him drink any coffee before. I saluted him and noticed we had no coffee left. "You drank every last bit of coffee we had?" "What? What gonna cry? You gonna cry now?" "Is that because of your mother again? You shouldn't drink about 20 coffee cups just for such a meaningless revenge" "You know nothing about about my mom, knucklehead! And you sure didn't have the time of your life with her. You just too stupid and confused my mom with some random girl." "I'm pretty sure the woman I saw on your picture, your MOTHER, is the one I..." "... Shut up! It ain't!" "How is it both live in the same neighborhood and have the same name then?" "Just shut up!!!" On these words, his head spasmed. He certainly had a lot of problem to sleep that night. After another pointless yet funny arguement with Toaster, I returned to the meeting room. GoDM1N and Bjordan were already there.

"KABOOM!" shouted the Demoman. " Yes, but...!" " "...KAABOOOMMM!" "No, I mean...!" "...KAABOOOMMM!" " Yes, but...!" "KAAAAAABBBBOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!" ultimately yelled GoDM1N. Sandman was no longer in the meeting room. As soon as they saw me entering the room, they calmed down a bit. "Your knowledge of explosives is incredible, but you can't compare it to my knowledge in gun conception, nuclear power, electronic, electricity and robotic! Sentries do much more than your explosives!" raged Bjordan. "Explosives require more attention than your precious sentries. You just build your stuff and leave the battlefield. Maybe your toys have some use for defense, but nothing else. Explosives allow us to both DEFEND and ATTACK!" After a little talk with them both, I discovered they were arguing over who of them would have to use the few remaining gunpowder with had left. Luckily for them, HQ sent, along the newcomers and other supplies, more than enough gunpowder for their needs. As soon as they learned that, they apologized to each other. Both of them always had their own interpretation of destructive arts. They were happy as long as they had all means in their disposal to destroy enemies. We always need men like that on the front.

This was the last thoughts I had about each of them before what would be, in a symbolic way, our last supper. I thought it was necessary for me to start this report by remembering you, higher-ups, that each and every member of this team is a human being. What you shall soon read in this report will make you doubt they ever were.

The meeting started. "Thank you for all being here in due time. It's appreciated. Now, let us begin the last planned meeting before completing the final step of Mission Goldrush." I looked at Toaster, still having a weird spasm. I could even swear he was shaking a bit. "Firstly, I'd like to officially introduce the two new members of Blu to everyone. Guy, the Medic that is going to replace Ackybur, and Trauma, the Soldier that is going to replace Zclipse. Both are..." "Both are not up to the task! Zclipse was the only one that could blow up as many fancypants as me!" intervened GoDM1N. As I feared, our dear cyclops would be hard to deal with. He had many small competitions with Zclipse during battles, which often evolved around exploding as many enemies as possible, and adored these. He learned to like him a bit too much. I don't remember GoDM1N winning once against Zclipse, though. Also, despising reunions as he did, he just had to put some action here. "HQ guaranteed it to me: both of them are more than mere competent mercenaries. If you want, I'll show you their résumés once the meeting is over. Now, discipline yourself or leave the room." I cut.

"Mphm mphm!" I was more surprised to hear Patrid. "Take that mask off before talking or shut up. We can't understand you anyway like that." This time, it was no password. Patrid put his mask on the table in front of him. "I agree with GoDM1N. I mean, yes, they may have impressive résumés, but it doesn't change the fact that we learned how to fight and to adapt our tactics and skills to each other. Including new members to our team when we have to assault Red's last and most defended base is extremely risky for everyone." GoDM1N seemed especially happy. Patrid rarely agreeds with him. Even Bjordan joined him, stating: "I also agree. I already was wounded to the point I could see my own intestines going out of my stomach and Ackybur still managed to patch me up! What tells us that Guy can be as efficient as her? Not that I expect to be wounded like that anytime soon again, but..."

I would have preferred a better welcome for Guy and Trauma. Patrid still had a good point. "Bjordan, don't worry, these two are professionals (I said that while trying to forget about Guy's three last failed surgeries). Of course, Patrid, we would need time to adapt to this new team, but we must attack Red's base tomorrow. They'll receive reinforcements shortly. We must make this strike while we are still overpowering them. Don't worry, Patrid. I have a plan for the upcoming mission in which Trauma and Guy wil be useful while not taking as many risks as Ackybur and Zclipse used to. We need them for this mission." By "them", I meant Trauma and Guy, but it somehow felt to me like I was talking about Zclipse and Ackybur. The assigment our team started with these two began six months ago, which is an incredibly long assigment. I think we all got attached too much to each other because of that extensive time period. Feelings were currently winning over logic because of that. I guess I understand my partners, somehow. Me too, I don't want our actual team to change. I want to see Zclipse and Ackybur back. I don't wish "intruders" to enter the perfect unit we used to be, especially by respect of Zclipse's sacrifice. For a mercenary, it's a bad thing to follow such feelings. A really bad thing. I realized that a long time ago, but maybe some other Blu members would need time to think it over. Many of them are still young. Maybe some of them never even had to suffer the death of an ally.

I looked around the table. GoDM1N wasn't convinced at all while Patrid and Bjordan finally seemed to agree with me. They were still randomly looking at Guy and Trauma with an impressive severe look; I was afraid to hear them comment again. Sandman was observing the situation the whole time, grinning. I think he was planning on playing a trick on Trauma or Guy, if not both. At least, it meant he accepted them in his own way. Toaster was looking at the void, convulsing randomly. Guy seemed a bit depressed by how unwelcoming the team has been, but was still politely smiling, determined to prove his worth. Trauma, well... He seemed to get paler and paler from the moment I mentionned Zclipse. Before anybody could even ask him if he was alright, he collapsed on Toaster who was right beside him. Toaster then collapsed on him.

Finally, they fell on the ground together.

Report 2, over.

Report 3: Ackybur's Secret

Two hours later, Trauma woke up in our small infirmary. Toaster was beside him on the only other bed. "Dah. Welcome back." said Guy when he saw Trauma's eyes opening. After a brief discussion, we found out what happened to the Soldier. He didn't know Zclipse was our unit's previous Soldier. Like any mercenary in the world, he knew that name. He knew about the messiah of massacres. He felt unconscious because of the shock. He didn't believe to be worthy of our unit anymore. Of course, GoDM1N being here the whole time and listening to this confession, I was once again told to send the newcomers back to HQ. A new arguement started. Then a second one. Finally, a third one. After three long hours, everyone finally agreed with me ; everybody had to stay and participate in Misson Goldrush. Strangely, Trauma was the hardest one to convince. He started to doubt himself. He felt like a farmer asked to replace a bank president.

As for Toaster, thanks to all that coffee, he damaged his heart severely. He may wake up from his coma someday.

At midnight, I finally had the chance to share the final battle plan with the team (I didn't need to change much of the plan even though Toaster could not participate to the mission). As efficient as simple, my strategy had little chance of failing. Sandman would place himself away from the enemy base on the nearby hills to cover the exterior battlefield with his scope. His job will be to clear the exterior of enemy presence as silently as possible. After that, it'll be my turn. I'll inlfiltrate the enemy base and find the control room. As soon as I manage to get rid of the control room guards, I'll use the enemy's own cameras to guide our attack force, GoDM1N and Trauma. I'll find them the best entry route thanks to all these new eyes and tell them where to strike inside the base. GoDM1N will have to place explosives in strategical positions while Trauma will have to cover him. Bjordan will enter the base as soon as I give him the signal after GodM1N and Trauma's arrival. Bjordan will place one of his billion dollars worth teleporter in a safe zone inside the base (the teleporter entrance will be placed near Sandman, which will allow him to come and assist us if needed). I will then guide Bjordan and tell him where to place his sentries based on our immediate needs. Preferably, I'd want his sentries to be placed on the enemy's main escape routes so they'd be sandviched between sentries and our attack force. Guy will remain on standby near Sandman, waiting for instructions. If needed, he'll use Bjordan's teleporters to come heal injured teammates inside the base. Since we plan to annihilate enemy forces by surprise, GoDM1N and Trauma should be safe by themselves. Of course, this plan can change at any second. If I judge we absolutely need Guy's medi-gun, I'll order him to immediatly assist our attack force.

I barely managed to sleep that night.

The morning came. Everyone but Sandman seemed exhausted. Toaster was still comatose. We drove our new military vehicule delivered by HQ to the hills beside enemy base. Bjordan places a teleporter. Sandman shoots enemies guarding the base. Pow. Pow. Pow... Pow. Pow. No enemy left outside. I go to the base. I cloak. I enter the base. I search for the control room. I find it. I kill the two Heavies guarding it. I enter the control room disguised as one of them. I close the door behind me. The watchman looking at the numerous screens trusts me. My knife penetratres his clueless neck. I open the door again. I put the two Heavy corpses inside. I close the door. I look at the screens. I activate my microphone watch. I tell GoDM1N and Trauma to enter the base by the left side door. I deactivate my microphone watch.

It was all too easy, too fast... I had no idea how much at the time. I had about eight minutes before GoDM1N and Trauma would reach the base. I looked around me. This room was almost empty if not of the chair the watchman was sat on, a desk, a random pickaxe near the door and a lot of filing cabinets. Exactly the kind of cabinets in which you put mission reports, I thought. Missions like the one in which Zclipse officially died (HQ immediatly declares mercenaries dead when they disappear. They don't bother with details.). I quickly went to the filing cabinets. As soon as I understood the logic behind their classifying method, I went to the reports dated of Zclipse's disappearance then on the zone in which he was killed.

Nothing. They had nothing about Zclipse. It was almost impossible. Even though there likely was no enemy left in the mine after Zclipse and Ackybur intervention, it is very unlikely that no surviving insivisble Spy would fill a report about Zclipse. Even more unlikely that no camera could catch a glimpse of him. Yet, Zclipse's name, or even any mention of an unnamed enemy Soldier, appeared nowhere in these files. Worst of all, I couldn't find a single report mentionning a fight in the mine Zclipse fought his last battle. Even if no Spy witnessed the scene and even if no camera ever was in that mine, it is impossible to not fill a report about your own troops' death or disappearance. What happened in this damn mine?!

Enraged and confused, I started looking in the sole deck in the middle of the room, hoping to find documents that could somehow prove Zclipse once existed for Red. He should have been in some files, ANY files. GoDM1N, Sandman and even I were in some files I saw. There's no way they'd have informations about me and not on Zclipse, who had many talents but certainly not the ones to be invisible and unnoticed. I didn't find anything that seemed of any use to me in the desk. There was one minute left until our attack force would arrive at the base. It was then I noticed the letter on the table. It was from Red's headquarters! As a Spy, I couldn't be more happy. Any information written in it could have been invaluable to us. I opened it. Inside it was a confirmation of reinforcement being sent to this very Red base today around 13 o'clock. I looked at my watch. 12:54. It was stated these reinforcements were elite members of Red. Protecting this last base in the desert was invaluable for their higher-ups, it seems. Fencerboy, Rustic, Doctor, Stanley and Harri. 5 elite mercenaries.

We were in trouble. Sandman and Guy, on their hill supposedly away from all dangers, were located near the road. We were in the desert. No troops would patrol outside far away from the base so it didn't seem to me like being a bad strategical spot. The fact that reinforcements would come was extreme badluck. I had to warn my unit. Bjordan had to build the other teleporter quickly so Sandman and Guy could flee from danger. As I was about to drop the letter to activate the microphone inserted in my watch, I read the letter's signature almost per accident. The world stopped.

The same signature I always read on the letters received from headquarters.

That name... What could it mean? Were Red and Blu working for the same boss? It's true our own higher-ups were somehow always shrouded in mystery, but... What was the meaning of this? Why would the same person want to hire mercenaries and make them fight together? It couldn't be. That made no sense. "Spy-monkey. Always jumping on the wrong branch it seems..." said a sadly ironic voice behind me. I knew that voice. I immediatly turned around, revolver in hand.

Zclipse.

Impossible but true, the man that couldn't die was standing in front of me. It could have been an enemy Spy, but it would have been unlikely. No enemy Spy could know about the nickname my teammates give me. "Zclipse? What happened to you...? Ackybur. She said..." I stopped myself. Something was wrong. His uniform was Red's. Zclipse's sad expression transformed into a calm one when he saw my face changing. My facial expression said too much. My revolver was pointing at him. He had no weapon.

He quickly bent to catch the pickaxe beside the door and immediatly threw it at me. It was so fast that I couldn't even shoot before the pickaxe hit my revolver, making me shoot a screen. Zclipse ran through the distance separating us and grabbed his improvised weapon before it touched the ground. I couldn't even find the time to shoot but, luckily for me, my free hand instinctively sought the spare cloaking device in my pocket, the Dead Ringer, and activated it before Zclipse pierced my head with the pickaxe, from the jaw to the hair. I was now invisible.

I immediately ran to the door as Zclipse kept holding the pickaxe in my false corpse. I barely passed him as he let go of the dead body and grabbed my head with his hand. With only one arm, he lifted me from the ground with no problem. Worst of it, I was completely invisible. "I know all your tricks, Sirnak..." he claimed, smashing my head into the metal wall at multiple times. If not of the extra resistance temporary allowed by the Dead Ringer, I'm certain my head would have exploded. I'm certain. I could barely manage to stay conscious as the hits resonated in my brains. My head smashed into the wall again and again and again and again and again and again... I truly wanted to die as I couldn't keep on counting the number of times I was forced to kiss this wall. I was only conscious enough to stupidly notice the metal slowly taking the shape of my head. I remember Zclipse saying only one other thing.

"The teams, Sirnak. They've been auto-balanced."

Report 3, over.

Report 3.5: Meanwhile

"No, mom! Not the balls again! PLEASE!!!" yelled Toaster in his sleep. Of course, he was likely dreaming of a moment in his childhood when his mother confiscated him his baseball balls.

His left leg spasmed.

Report 3.5, over.

[Harri]

Man oh Man everyone must have been bitten by the creative bug.

[Ackybur]

Sirnak you couldn't have made mumble more awkward just now

[Zclipse]

I don't think I've ever went from laughter to discomfort quicker than I did while reading this.
Gj sirnak, you made my day. ^^

[bjordan]

This was a pleasure to read. Thank you very much!!!

[Patrid]

♪♫ So she said, "What's the problem babey"
What's the problem? I don't know
Well, maybe I'm in love, I think about it all the time
I think about it. Can't stop thinking bout' it...♪♫

♪♫How much longer will it take to cure this?
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love...

Sorry, I was playing this song in the background while reading this... It was so perfect

[GoDM1N]

♪♫ So she said, "What's the problem babey"
What's the problem? I don't know
Well, maybe I'm in love, I think about it all the time
I think about it. Can't stop thinking bout' it...♪♫

♪♫How much longer will it take to cure this?
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love...

Sorry, I was playing this song in the background while reading this... It was so perfect

I lol'd

Also

[Ackybur]

I don't think I've ever went from laughter to discomfort quicker than I did while reading this.
Gj sirnak, you made my day. ^^

Whoa discomfort? HARSH WORDING! Hurtful words from a hurtful man

[Sirnak]

Whoa, thanks everyone for these nice comments. o.o I'm especially happy that you enjoyed it Zclipse. I wondered if you would have wanted me to censor your name. xD Well, huh... Thanks again everyone!

I won't make an entire new topic for this, so I included a poll to this one. Please tell me if it's worth my time to write a second Sirnak's Report or if you'd at least read it. lol

Also, if you want to appear in the possible upcoming chapter, just tell me (also, tell me the class you wanna be...)! I might just need a couple of Red dudes... I won't add anybody that doesn't ask me since I'm a retarded heartless bastard.

Spy-monkey, over. :3

(Special thanks to GoDM1N. )

[Fencerboy]

I wanna be cool
Put me in the next on please

[Guy]

I don't mind that you use me, as long as I have a crush on an enemy heavy.
XD just jokin' you can use me. :3


You and GodM1N need to get together and make a Critsandvich movie.

[GoDM1N]

I'd do it assuming I could get people to voice act

[Sirnak]

Alright. General good comments and your votes to keep me continuing make me officially annonce Sirnak's Report 2. :3

But now, there's a new poll. Please tell me what you, the reader, wants to see in the upcoming Report. Thanks for your participation. ^^

As for the Critsandvich movie idea, I'd gladly help out, but I don't really wish to be leading such project. I might be able to lend a good help thanks to my university cinema classes though. I know what kinds of shots look cool for what kind of feeling you wanna give the viewer. Well, if such a project becomes any more serious, just PM me or something. I'd gladly help. :O

[Rustic Apple]

You absolutely MUST have me on the enemy team, sniping against Sandman, since that's a normal occurrence 99% of the time he's on. But srsly, keep up the good work, my monkey friend!

[Argent]

I don't think I've ever went from laughter to discomfort quicker than I did while reading this.

That sounds like the critic testimony you would find on the back of a novel.

[GoDM1N]

bring on the jokes!

[Sirnak]

I don't think I've ever went from laughter to discomfort quicker than I did while reading this.

That sounds like the critic testimony you would find on the back of a novel.

You know what? That's exactly what I had in mind, dear Argent. xD

For now, we have for the upcoming report:

BLU
Sandman
Ackybur
Guy
Patrid
Sirnak
GoDM1N
Trauma
Bjordan
Toaster
Zclipse(?)

RED
Fencerboy
Rustic
Doctor

I still accept some people on Red. Don't forget to tell me the class you want to appear as, else I'll just give you anything I feel like giving you. :O

(Yes, it includes you too Fencer. xD)

[The 12th Doctor]

Throw me in there as whatever you want. All I ask is that this version of me isn't as incompetent as the real me. ^^;;

[Trauma Advocate]

Yeeeesh. *tugs at collar* I'm feeling a mite... what's the word... "unworthy?" >_>

(GJ Sirnak, seriously)

[Fencerboy]

(Yes, it includes you too Fencer. xD)

doesn't make a difference

[stanley]

if you need people you can throw me in

[Sirnak]

if you need people you can throw me in

In fact, no, I don't NEED more people. I just throw you in if you want to since I'd like every Critsandvich member to be part of some stories in the forums. That's all.

It'd be my pleasure to include you, but I don't NEED it. I'll add you if you want it, that's all. :3

[Sirnak]

Here we are, gals and lads! LAST CHANCE TO ENTER!!! I still accept TWO other Red members! If you wanna see yourself in a story, it's your last chance! ^^ I have to leave tomorrow morning and I'll be back only somewhen Sunday. Until then, you can post on this topic if you wish to enter Sirnak's Report.

Also, I don't wish to double post for so little reasons so I updated Sirnak's Report 1 and corrected as many grammar mistakes as I could and threw a new poll. Who would you like to die in the next Report? I included Sirnak at first, but I finally chose no to include him because of narrative issues. Sorry, I'll die another time.

Current teams:

BLU
Sandman
Ackybur
Guy
Patrid
Sirnak
GoDM1N
Trauma
Bjordan
Toaster
Zclipse(?)

RED
Fencerboy
Rustic
Doctor
Trauma

[Patrid]

Bump this shat!
I wanna see Sandman die. Please let it be by rectal bleeding =3

[Rustic Apple]

Bodyshawt in the anus

[Harri]

I volunteer my name for red. >.>

[tehs4ndman]

lol i destroyed this poll

[Sirnak]

Alright, it's too late to register yourself for Sirnak's Report starting from now!The upcoming Report will be completed within the next few days. According to the previous poll, I'll try and develop the upcoming Report around the relationship between Blu members and Sirnak's investigation of Zclipse's disappearance. Also, I won't focus much on jokes this time according to the same poll. Finally, our intelligent, nice, beautiful, charming and boobalicious Harri is the newcomer to Red. Welcome, Harri. ^^

Final teams for Report 2:

BLU
Sandman
Ackybur
Guy
Patrid
Sirnak
GoDM1N
Trauma
Bjordan
Toaster
Zclipse(?)

RED
Fencerboy
Rustic
Doctor
Stanley
Harri

[Harri]

Finally, our intelligent, nice, beautiful, charming and boobalicious Harri is the newcomer to Red. Welcome, Harri. ^^

I approve of this :3

[Sirnak]

Sirnak's Report 2 is out! The title? Unwelcomed.

It's only Part 1, though. Part 2 will be out tomorrow. Sirnak's Report 2 is going to be a 2 part story since there's so much stuff. @.@

Next part will have Sirnak investigating things, discovering stuff and seeing stuffy... things... O_e

[Patrid]

NIIce, Now kill off Sandman

[Ackybur]

NIIce, Now kill off Sandman

[Trauma Advocate]

*GASP*

Poison??

[Sirnak]

I renamed my work Sirnak's Report 3 since I don't believe enough people read Report 2 was split into 2 parts. Anyway, the text is still WAY long enough. Red members won't appear before Sirnak's Report 4 if there even is one. o.o

Also, NO, I don't despise Toaster despite the apparences. lol

Please leave a nice comment! :3

Spy-monkey, over.

[Trauma Advocate]

How did he throw an object and then run after to catch it before it hit the ground? Oh wait, he CURVETARGES!!

Haha, nah I'm loving this. Was pretty clear he switched early on, but that was still good.

[Harri]

How did he throw an object and then run after to catch it before it hit the ground? Oh wait, he CURVETARGES!!

Haha, nah I'm loving this. Was pretty clear he switched early on, but that was still good.

I'm sure zclipse is not concerned with the auto-balance. He'll just switch.

[Sirnak]

Haha, nah I'm loving this. Was pretty clear he switched early on, but that was still good.

It was clear he switched, you say? But I didn't even know myself what happened to him before writing Sirnak's Report 3.

[Zclipse]

Lol very enjoyable sirnak ^^.

How did he throw an object and then run after to catch it before it hit the ground? Oh wait, he CURVETARGES!!

Haha, nah I'm loving this. Was pretty clear he switched early on, but that was still good.

I'm sure zclipse is not concerned with the auto-balance. He'll just switch.

Shhhhh you're going to ruin the story =).

[Ackybur]

Lol very enjoyable sirnak ^^.

How did he throw an object and then run after to catch it before it hit the ground? Oh wait, he CURVETARGES!!

Haha, nah I'm loving this. Was pretty clear he switched early on, but that was still good.

I'm sure zclipse is not concerned with the auto-balance. He'll just switch.

Shhhhh you're going to ruin the story =).

So, this explains how my donator was taken away

[Sirnak]

How did he throw an object and then run after to catch it before it hit the ground? Oh wait, he CURVETARGES!!

Haha, nah I'm loving this. Was pretty clear he switched early on, but that was still good.

I'm sure zclipse is not concerned with the auto-balance. He'll just switch.

Shhhhh you're going to ruin the story =).

Nah. It's not my style to write stories with an happy ending. I prefer writing stories with a dark, BUT MEANINGFUL, ending. :O

(For exemple, Toaster may never wake up from his coma.

The end. )

[Harri]

Nah. It's not my style to write stories with an happy ending. I prefer writing stories with a dark, BUT MEANINGFUL, ending. :O

(For exemple, Toaster may never wake up from his coma.

The end. )

I approve of this.

[Toaster]

(For exemple, Toaster may never wake up from his coma.

The end. )

!!!!

I only caught wind of this yesterday (because I was gone for a while), pretty great stuff =p

[Sirnak]

(For exemple, Toaster may never wake up from his coma.

The end. )

!!!!

I only caught wind of this yesterday (because I was gone for a while), pretty great stuff =p

Now, since I finally have your permission, I shall give Toaster a bigger role in the story. xD

Also, thanks. Your compliment means a lot considering it comes from you, Mr. Comatose.

[Ackybur]

I can honestly say I am interested in what the secret is. It'll probably turn out I'm a 12 year old boy. Z and toaster was right the whole time! WHAT A TWIST

[Sirnak]

An extra chapter is out.

It's all about my favorite character this far.

[Patrid]

I can honestly say I am interested in what the secret is. It'll probably turn out I'm a 12 year old boy. Z and toaster was right the whole time! WHAT A TWIST

For all intensive purposes, Schwartz still thinks you're a 12 yr old boy

[Sirnak]

Alright, everyone!!!

Good news! Work has been more forgiving lately, so I've restarted working on Sirnak's Report and, in fact, I'm working on it right now!!!! Every promised Critsandvich member will be part of the story this time. If you have special requests to make, make them now. :3

Also, I officially announce a cameo appearance of Argent and Doppel. ^^

[Techercizer]

Alright, everyone!!!

Good news! Work has been more forgiving lately, so I've restarted working on Sirnak's Report and, in fact, I'm working on it right now!!!! Every promised Critsandvich member will be part of the story this time. If you have special requests to make, make them now. :3

Also, I officially announce a cameo appearance of Argent and Doppel. ^^

Do I get a spot?

[bjordan]

I missed this soooooo much. Thanks sirnak!!!

[mrProtagonist]

As Mormon Jesus replied "Penis"

[Sirnak]

Alright, everyone!!!

Good news! Work has been more forgiving lately, so I've restarted working on Sirnak's Report and, in fact, I'm working on it right now!!!! Every promised Critsandvich member will be part of the story this time. If you have special requests to make, make them now. :3

Also, I officially announce a cameo appearance of Argent and Doppel. ^^

Do I get a spot?

Hum..................

It's still possible I think. I might have something just for you. :3

As Mormon Jesus replied "Penis"

Of your whole post, I understood the word "replied"...

[Techercizer]

Hum..................

It's still possible I think. I might have something just for you. :3

Well if you do find one, make sure it's because you wanted me in somewhere or thought I would fit, not because I asked.

[Sirnak]

Hum..................

It's still possible I think. I might have something just for you. :3

Well if you do find one, make sure it's because you wanted me in somewhere or thought I would fit, not because I asked.

In fact, I thought about adding you in the Report immediatly at the beginning, but back then you were still pretty new to the community and I had no way to know if you'd stay or not. I wanted you in the "hero" team at first before scrapping your presence entirely. I wanted to use people who inspired me by skills and/or presence in the Report. Of course, there are lots of members here who could have been used and were ultimately not used at all, but I also wanted to have only one member for each class...

So I just gave you back your planned place. :3

(At the exception that you can't be in the "hero" team anymore...)