My literature story

[duck]

we were supposed to write a story in lit
here is mine ( i switched out my friends names for people on the forums)

The Unicorn Effect

Unicorn was some random person who no one really cared about. One day he was walking along when all of a sudden a bear attacked him and he died, but that isn’t the story, this is.

Benny Hill had just gotten done with his battle with a Fail Horse, his next-door neighbor, who had attempted to kill him. Benny had a post dramatic stress disorder. This caused him to kill anyone who was in a radius of 35 feet from him. Next door to his house, approximately 32 feet was an orphanage for nuclear watermelons. He then ate all of the nuclear watermelons and turned them into poop, he then put the poop in his pile behind his house, and you never know when you will need a pile of poop. (also he had acquired all of the powers of a watermelon)
The next day Benny went to Alaska because he had just smoked some weed and found out that Alaska had the highest population that smoked weed. While he was high there he killed all the critsandvich members from Alaska because he hates Alaska. (unicornpoop retroversion and sealbakk)
Meanwhile there were some people in the movies watching SAW 19 in which they can be emmersed in the experience of SAW. One of the people in the audience was Domosaurus, he thought he could get out of the trap so she went into the movie. The thing was she had to choose between killing two people. There were two buttons one removed the floor under Mangachu and the other one was under Vintage Meat Boy. Under the floor was a huge pile of poop in which Benny had sold to the makers of the movie. Mangachu was annoying and nobody loved him. So Domosaurus decided to kill him because he thought it would be funny, and it was because living inside of the poop was a man and he was made of fingers. I guess we can call him Fingerman. Fingerman decided to eat him and make him into more poop. The poop he produced became a unicorn.


To be continued :O

its a pretty stupid story and my future as a writer is pretty much over

i thought i would run it past you guys to see what you thought. dont go easy. use all of your criticizing skills to make fun of this story and my ability as a writer

[Vivi Hill]

1. Post-traumatic stress disorder
2. Run-on sentences
3. Uses of commas where periods/semicolons belong
4. Missing commas
5. Immersed
6. No moral/point
7. No dramatic buildup
8. Scattered ordering of events/information
9. Immature concepts
10. Chaotic temporalization
11. Confusing subject

D-

Please see me after class.

[duck]

well at the end your going to die benny :.(

[Ackybur]

well at the end your going to die benny :.(

You're*

[Vivi Hill]

Indeed.

[tehs4ndman]

are u like in 3rd grade unicorn? lol

[KillerProtist]

are u like in 3rd grade unicorn? lol

Oh, the irony.

[Patrid]

well at the end your going to die benny :.(

You're*

ur

[rawkies]

are u like in 3rd grade unicorn? lol

Oh, the irony.

Burns, don't it?

[duck]

im not smart

there is a reason im in the normal literature. im good at math and baseball, thats about it

[Echoplex]

The bear was the best character tbh

[GoDM1N]

are u like in 3rd grade unicorn? lol

Oh, the irony.

[Echoplex]

are u like in 3rd grade unicorn? lol

Oh, the irony.

Thanks, I really learned a lot from that video

[GoDM1N]

Thanks, I really learned a lot from that video

[Nikki Wolf]

Unicorn, I never have taken an Honors English course, but my grammar skills seem to be better than yours.