Real Life Review

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Real Life Review

by Nikki Wolf » Tue Apr 01, 2014 3:10 am


Release Date - January 1st, 50,000,000,000 BC
Platform - HU-M4N-1TE (I think that's the name)
Cost - $0 (but includes microtransactions)

Where should I begin with this? And what should I say about this? I guess the best place to start is the obvious. Real Life is a game literally played by everyone on Earth...but why? There's a lot of people that love this game...but there are also a lot of people that hate this game. I know that everyone has their opinions, but it has me scratching my head as to why we have this dilemma with such a game.

Graphics and Sound

If you ask me, the graphics for this game are some of the best, if not THE BEST!, to ever come out of the industry. Everything looks so crisp and detailed that I feel like I'm actually there. If I have any sort of gripe, it's that there really isn't much of an art style to the game. It seems like the artists wanted to focus on making a more realistic-looking game than Crysis and left out the colorful styling that we see in a lot of other games. Though to its credit, the style of the game is WAY better than what you'll ever see in Gears of War or Call of Duty, which look like someone smeared mud on the camera lens.

The sound is also top-notch. A vast array of music to listen to whenever and wherever you go is just pure genius. Though if I have to give my thoughts on some of the music, a lot of the newer stuff coming out is complete garbage. Seriously, why would I want to listen to some wannabe-singer/slut talk about how she wants to get fucked every night and get wasted until the morning sun vanquishes the night? I just plug in my NES soundtrack collection for music, and I'm good to go. The sound effects are...okay. They really do get close to how certain sounds actually...sound, but a lot of them lack the punch that you hear in just about every other game out there.


The story isn't some pre-written linear bullshit that you get from any other game or movie out there. You literally write your own story with each action that you perform. The story is unique and wonderfully developed by you. You may not like it, but that doesn't change anything about the story. In fact, reading this review right now has added something to your overall story. That said, it does have its moments of being too drawn out to even care for. But when the pace picks up and what not, it really gets interesting. You'll have to wait until your teen years for all the amazing story elements to start, but it'll be worth the wait. Trust me.


To be honest, I find a lot of the gameplay in Real Life to be so-so. Think of it this way: Parts of the game feel like it's Minecraft...but more tedious than it needs to be. Seriously, why does it take an hour to cook a meal, whereas in Minecraft, it's done in a matter of seconds? Let me answer my own rhetorical question: The game overcomplicates a lot of the stuff you need to do. Okay, this does allow for a lot of freedom to approach a single section of the game, though nine times out of ten, the way you approach said situation will wind up going haywire. Left a piece of chicken on the pan for less than a minute of its recommended time? Food poisoning. More than a minute? Burnt to a crisp. It's pretty punishing for newcomers to certain areas of the game...or just to the game in general.

To be fair, learning is a major part of any game, and you do manage to learn from your mistakes...because you don't have a choice, in the matter. You know not to cook that chicken for more than the recommended time next time. I'll at least give the game credit for that. Too many games hold your hand nowadays, and it's nice to see a breath of fresh air by letting the player take full control and learn from their mistakes.

Oh, do you love grinding in RPGs? get to do a lot of that here. Most of your time grinding is done in three areas in life: School, Gym, and Work. School is where you are able to improve your intelligence and be able to take on some new aspects of the game. Gym is where you improve your strength/stamina/endurance stuff, so you can...not die so quickly...or suffer from the worst disease in the game: Obesity. Work is where you work your ass off from sun up to sun down, in an effort to raise money for you and your starving family.

When you start doing the Work part of Real Life, you really want to aim for something you like doing. If you don't, you're really going to be sick and tired of the game really quickly, since you spend at least eight hours a day with Work. Sometimes, the pay will be worth it, and at other times it makes you regret even taking the job. I guess that's fine, though. You can always just start over with a new career, right? Right? Uh...where's all of my money at?

School is where you spend a majority of your early levels (classified as "Years"), and for good reason: There's a lot to Real Life that you need to understand, so you can play the game efficiently. Yes, it's going to be very boring at first, but just bear with it. When you get into the later parts of School, that's when things actually start to take off, especially since you'll be given the choice of what you want to do for the rest of your time in Real Life.

The Gym part, I think it's self-explanatory. Spend some time there, get stronger. No pain, no gain, right? Well, the issue with this is that it takes too long to even raise your strength. Yeah, if you just let time fly without noticing, you'll see some sudden changes. But if you're a stats whore and just pay attention to every part of you at every second of your life, you're going to be very disappointed in how little gain you make, with each trip to the Gym. I heard there is some way to exponentially boost your gains, but those come with severe repercussions, like increased anger and addiction.

Aside from all the grinding in the game, the gameplay is very open-ended. You can literally do whatever you want to in the game's world. But a warning: Some actions in the game are apparently considered illegal and can actually have you thrown in jail. Punishment can range from like a week to full-on purgatory as you await for your time in Real Life to expire. Also, there are some actions that can prematurely halt your time in the game via death. Think of it like the Hardcore mode in Diablo...except you can't start over. Once your character is dead, that's it. As far as I'm aware, you can't start over with a brand new character, and you or another person can't revive your old character. My character is still alive in the game, so I don't know if anything really happens after death. I'm not taking any risks with this, either. I have so much that I want to do in the game, that ending things for this character is just not worth it.


It takes two years. Two fucking finally get the hang of the controls. It really is that difficult and complex to get used the controls. But once you do, they're really amazing. It definitely beats using a keyboard and mouse, if you ask me. Hell, I think this knocks the Kinect and those VR simulators out of the park. But if there's one thing you need to know: Reaction times vary from person to person, though you can always improve them by repeatedly practicing your actions. Practice makes perfect, right?

Aside from that, trying to control things within the game actually can get really tricky, though can spice up the gameplay a bit. I did manage to try out a lot of control schemes in the game, like the traditional keyboard/mouse combo, the gamepad, the arcade stick, and even the DDR dance pad and Guitar Hero guitar. It's amusing to be able to play games within a game, and Real Life has so many games built into it that I wouldn't have enough time in the world to cover every single one of them in vague detail. Trust me, I tried with one system.


Okay, this is something that needs to be brought up: Despite the game being free to play, there are microtransactions scattered all over the game. You have to fork over money to play games, eat food, go to work, talk on Skype, etc. Yes, you do get your money from grinding at Work, but I thought microtransactions are meant to be optional, not a fucking requirement. I really, really hope that the money given to the developers put it to good use. It seems like they do, since I do see a lot of new content added on a daily basis, but still. Maybe I'm just nitpicking and need to do more research on where the money goes, but I don't know.


I'd like to point out that the community is a mixed bag. You'll definitely find a lot of hateful, selfish people in the game, regardless of where you go. But there are definitely plenty of amazing people that I like to hang out with. My favorite group of people I like to socialize with is this one group called Crit Sandvich. I'm not sure if you (the reader) have heard of them, but they're alright. Maybe if you stop by the group, you'll find out for yourself.


Real Life is an average game. Nothing completely shitty, though nothing award-winning, either. But hey, I've been enjoying some of my time in this game. I could go into much more detail about the game, though there's just an endless amount of information about this game, that I'd probably be wasting the rest of my time in the game just trying to cover it all. But despite the downsides, the game has potential and it does keep me coming back for more. Overall, I recommend it.

Enjoy your April Fool's day, gentlemen.
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Re: Real Life Review

by cloud » Tue Apr 01, 2014 8:20 am

Nikki Wolf wrote:Real Life is an average game.
Enjoy your April Fool's day, gentlemen.
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Re: Real Life Review

by NickTheCanadianCore » Tue Apr 01, 2014 12:20 pm

Ohhh I love this game. My favourite part is when you have 2 children and one of them gets lost in a mall, and then you shout his name, then the other kid gets lost, and then you shout his name, ending up with a glitch where he can shout shaun anytime at all
Picture yourself in a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly, a girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

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Re: Real Life Review

by that shiny mudkip » Tue Apr 01, 2014 5:38 pm

This is awesome, thanks Nikki, i decided to demo it
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Re: Real Life Review

by Sanic-X » Tue Apr 01, 2014 10:59 pm

Oh, man I remember this game! I haven't played it in years! I'm glad you brought this up, I've been meaning to pick up this game again. If I recall, it was pretty fun, but not without its drawbacks. Overall, I'd give Real Life a 6/10. Proceed with caution, as this game can be very frustrating and buggy at times.
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Re: Real Life Review

by Ron Swansons Stache » Wed Apr 02, 2014 10:35 am

Anyone ever figure out cheat codes for unlimited lives or money? I've read they're out there but can't seem to find them.
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Re: Real Life Review

by Maringue » Thu Apr 03, 2014 1:56 pm

Ron Swansons Stache wrote:Anyone ever figure out cheat codes for unlimited lives or money? I've read they're out there but can't seem to find them.

Ron, you've got it all backwards. Money is the cheat code to RL. I mean how else could this guy, who was convicted of raping his daughter while she was a toddler, not go to jail?
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Re: Real Life Review

by Balubish » Thu Apr 03, 2014 2:15 pm

Maringue wrote:
Ron Swansons Stache wrote:Anyone ever figure out cheat codes for unlimited lives or money? I've read they're out there but can't seem to find them.

Ron, you've got it all backwards. Money is the cheat code to RL. I mean how else could this guy, who was convicted of raping his daughter while she was a toddler, not go to jail?

Wow that shit is fucked up, I can kill him for free cause he is worth it, that poor girl is fucked up for life and that dude shouldnt be alive to hurt more ppl. I can have it as a hobby cause TF2 takes up way to much time.
Seriously though, its fucked up!!!


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